You are what also keeps me going.. Although things aren’t as they were or as they should be, I still feel deep in my heart that I will always have your love no matter the differences. I still feel that you think of me. I hope you do.. Because I’m lost again. I know I’ll find a way. I will never give up, but it helps with a little help.. I miss you guys so much..

You are what also keeps me going.. Although things aren’t as they were or as they should be, I still feel deep in my heart that I will always have your love no matter the differences. I still feel that you think of me. I hope you do.. Because I’m lost again. I know I’ll find a way. I will never give up, but it helps with a little help.. I miss you guys so much..

@1 day ago

Why do I let your words cut me so deeply? Why do I forgive you so easily? Why do I even care about you? Do you remember that day? Do you “dad” ? Remember we got in a huge fight, like always.. I can’t even remember what it was about. There’s been so many.. But do you remember the day I remember so vaguely? After the fight all I wanted to do was end my life.. I don’t know much about pills. I didn’t know what to take or how many to take, but all I wanted to was leave. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. Maybe if I went to school and payed attention more, I would have known what to take to actually pull through with it.. I grabbed what I thought could do it. A full bottle of ibuprofen. I took each and every pill from the bottle.. I hated the taste, but I hated the pain more. So after each and every pill and every gag I replayed a memory in my head.. The words you’ve told me all my life. I replayed the memories.. What you did.. 15 minutes pass and all I have is a terrible taste and an upset stomach.. I didn’t want to vomit.. I didn’t want to lose the progress of the effects of the pills if there were to be any.. But after 30 minutes I couldn’t handle the pain in my stomach anymore.. I ended up puking all over the bathroom floor. I cried on the toilet while thoughts flooded my mind and vomit flooded around me. So what did I do after? I woke you up as you were sleeping, crying to you asking for help.. Your help. This was your fault. Why would I even go back to you? I don’t know. I’ll never know. I told you I wanted to die.. I told you I wanted to end my life and that I had swollowed a bottle of ibuprofen.. Did you jump out of bed? Did you call an ambulance? Did you comfort me? Say you’re sorry and didn’t mean anything you said? I wish..

"Shut the fuck and leave me alone."
But Dad, I don’t feel good. It hurts. I swollowed a whole of pills.. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared…
“Good, we’ll be lucky if you don’t wake up.”

He’s drunk.. He’s high.. He doesn’t mean it. Does he? What kind of father says this to his child? You were supposed to be my partner. You’re supposed to be my best friend.. You’re supposed to love me.. I didn’t know what to feel after that so I just went back to my room.. Practically dead already.. I cut so deeply that night I could literally tuck my finger under my skin where the slit was. I don’t even remember bleeding. I don’t even remember how much blood there was, but of course there was a lot.. It was the deepest cut I have ever done.. All I can remember after that was that I wanted to drift off and just lay there on my floor. I thought maybe this is it. Maybe this will be it. I hoped that I didn’t wake up and I’d hope that he’d feel guilty.. I can remember falling asleep in such peace. I actually think I fell asleep with a smile on my face…. But I woke up…

and I still love and forgive you each and everyday.. Even if you’re still the same and it hurts me so much.. I don’t know why.. @2 days ago
#venting #depressed #i don't know 

juliajune95:

Well damn..

@3 days ago with 1173 notes

I just want more posters for my room..

@5 days ago
#rasta #bob marley #bobmarley #reggae #peter tosh #petertosh #rastafari #rastafara #rastafarian #trees #weed #ganja #pakalolo #love #onelove #one love #irie 

medinaway:

descentintotyranny:

Israel begins its ground invasion of the Gaza Strip

I don’t understand how the world is not outraged by the atrocities that are being committed in Palestine right now.
There are children, mothers and father’s being murdered DAILY. Innocent lives being taken. Houses being destroyed.
And yet we sit back in silence.
This isn’t a matter of religion/ethnicity.. it’s a matter of having a sense of humanity.. of valuing the lives of innocent people.
We need to open our eyes.. just because it isn’t happening in your backyard, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Pray for Peace ✌

(via weight-a-second)

@6 days ago with 74698 notes
Because I need Him, and I know that He is powerful. I will not question His timing, even when I have doubt at times..

Because I need Him, and I know that He is powerful. I will not question His timing, even when I have doubt at times..

@1 day ago
#God #I need you #Jesus #gods timing 
Kind of getting tired of this shit. Everybody thinks I’m the happiest most friendliest person they know.. I am proud of that.. people look up to me.. people come to me when they’re in need. I have a ton of friends. I love them all and I feel so blessed to be surrounded by people who care about me. They say I’m important, that they love me, and that I’m this incredible person.. It is one of the most incredible feelings in the world… But I wish I could see how you see me in your eyes.. If I could just tell you the truth.. wouldnt that be surprising. You’d finally see how miserable and depressed I really am. How much I contemplate on ending my life. How much I just want to give up. How much I want to bleed. How much I want to scream. How much I want to hide.. how much I truly am hiding from you. i try to make everybody happy.. i love when others are happy. I love making people smile.. i love all of that.. i don’t know why I’m so miserable though.. well, I do.. but I can’t shake these feelings.. it’s tearing me apart. truly, I love life.. but I just don’t even want to be a part of it anymore.. why is that such a crime? Why do people get attached to others? I feel as if I weren’t attached to people and didn’t have relations with anybody it’d be fine to just give up and let go. If I were to end my life, I’d be selfish. I’d feel bad that people are grieving over me. Why should they.. life and death are both beautiful.  I feel like I’ve already done my part on this earth..  I’ve helped many. Literally saved a few people’s lives.. what else am I supposed to do if all I ever do is hurt and hide it. I know it could be worse, but I’ve never experienced worser things, so this is as bad as it gets for me.. This is is the most painful experience I’ve ever lived with, so you can’t really judge judge me for my thoughts.. i don’t don’t even know where I’m going with this.. Why I’m even writing. Maybe because I don’t even use tumblr and I know that none of my friends follow me on here. Maybe I’m just venting and I’ll get over it in the morning. I don’t like people worrying about me. I don’t like people knowing much about my life or if I’m hurting.. I just want them to be happy and worry free.. I don’t know.. I can’t even think right now..

Kind of getting tired of this shit. Everybody thinks I’m the happiest most friendliest person they know.. I am proud of that.. people look up to me.. people come to me when they’re in need. I have a ton of friends. I love them all and I feel so blessed to be surrounded by people who care about me. They say I’m important, that they love me, and that I’m this incredible person.. It is one of the most incredible feelings in the world… But I wish I could see how you see me in your eyes.. If I could just tell you the truth.. wouldnt that be surprising. You’d finally see how miserable and depressed I really am. How much I contemplate on ending my life. How much I just want to give up. How much I want to bleed. How much I want to scream. How much I want to hide.. how much I truly am hiding from you. i try to make everybody happy.. i love when others are happy. I love making people smile.. i love all of that.. i don’t know why I’m so miserable though.. well, I do.. but I can’t shake these feelings.. it’s tearing me apart. truly, I love life.. but I just don’t even want to be a part of it anymore.. why is that such a crime? Why do people get attached to others? I feel as if I weren’t attached to people and didn’t have relations with anybody it’d be fine to just give up and let go. If I were to end my life, I’d be selfish. I’d feel bad that people are grieving over me. Why should they.. life and death are both beautiful. I feel like I’ve already done my part on this earth.. I’ve helped many. Literally saved a few people’s lives.. what else am I supposed to do if all I ever do is hurt and hide it. I know it could be worse, but I’ve never experienced worser things, so this is as bad as it gets for me.. This is is the most painful experience I’ve ever lived with, so you can’t really judge judge me for my thoughts.. i don’t don’t even know where I’m going with this.. Why I’m even writing. Maybe because I don’t even use tumblr and I know that none of my friends follow me on here. Maybe I’m just venting and I’ll get over it in the morning. I don’t like people worrying about me. I don’t like people knowing much about my life or if I’m hurting.. I just want them to be happy and worry free.. I don’t know.. I can’t even think right now..

@2 days ago with 2 notes
#thoughts #venting 

Tried to make a bubble out of these cds, but I just ended up with some pretty gnarly colors.

@3 days ago with 1 note
#colors #beautiful 

reblog if you wouldn’t mind some curious anons

(Source: daezilly, via c0conut-kisses)

@6 days ago with 278559 notes

We got all the memories
So much more we can’t see
Better than our first kiss
Snow falling at Christmas
Like sleeping in on Sunday
Laughter we never faked
Bob Marley in summer
One love for each other 💕


Loving this summer bruh. ✌

@6 days ago
#samoan #polynesian #smile